IP over Avian Carrier

Today we’re excited to release IP over Avian Carriers support for our Enterprise tier users. In a world filled with talk of AI everything, we’re taking a step back and looking at solving real customer problems that AI can’t.

And what can pigeons do that AI cannot? Send data faster without the use of the internet.

Beginning today, each Parcel customer with an Enterprise subscription will get access to 20 pigeons of their own. These birds will be dedicated to the individual subscription and available at the time of test send for any files larger than 300 gigabytes. Instead of testing over the cloud (using the internet), the pigeons will be given an SD card containing the EML file you wish to share. With our birds’ extensive knowledge of SMTP, all you have to do is tell the pigeon your recipient’s email address (within 150 nautical miles) and it will take to the skies, delivering your email faster than the internet ever could. The recipient will then receive the SD card directly, be forced to review the test email, and equip the pigeon with the SD card once more for return.

Our research has shown that pigeons are the superior avian carrier of choice for this initiative and that ostriches, although fast, are less suited for our program due to their requirement of needing bridges to transfer data.

Not only are your large emails delivered faster, the pigeon will incessantly annoy the recipient until they give feedback or approval, something not offered anywhere else.

Although we do consider that there could be injury as an outcome when transferring files (high winds, airplanes, predators, panes of glass), we are also pleased to offer Parcel Packet Loss Insurance™️ which you can add to your account at any time to replace any pigeons that do not make it to their destination.

We’re beyond excited to bring this initiative to life, and it has both nothing and everything to do with the fact that it is April Fools.

Happy email sending!